day of dan :: memoirs of an invisible dan

I’ll try and not sound too common here, but what is the great fascination with raw fish, crafted to look like Bassett’s Liquorice Allsorts?

I appreciate it’s origin, I appreciate that it’s probably very tasty. What I don’t appreciate is how the west seem to think that it’s incredibly trendy to eat the world’s campest looking food, and then feel the need to mention it frequently, as if it automatically makes you the coolest person in history.

Frankly, if it’s not covered in batter and deep fried, or in a handy breadcrumb covered finger format, I have little interest in fish. As far as i’m concerned, we eat to avoid a bad case of death. The plate of food in front of me is not a fashion accessory unless I choose to stick bits of it to my hat.

So, with apologies to the Japanese, I’m lumping Sushi in the same bracket as Frog’s Legs, Snails and Hummus. Sadly, largely eaten by the arrogant.

So, I say to them… congratulations on your huge house, lovely car, hundreds of pairs of the finest shoes, important job and your enormous penis. May we forever be in your shadow and in hope that one day we may be just like you.

Once again, congratulations on the massive penis.

dan Jibber Jabber, Rants life, sushi

Right, so there I was minding my own business when I thought “I know, I’ll go and have a look at NHS Direct’s lovely new Swine Flu symptom checker. So off I toddle onto the first screen…

So, being an honest chap and having a bit of a sniffle, I selected “Yes”. Of course I always have fatigue so that’s just a given. On to the next screen…

Okay, so now it’s getting a bit daft. A quick glance at my fingernails reveals they’re still the same colour they’ve always been and nothing else is applicable. I select “No”, and move on…

Well, it’s Friday afternoon at 4pm. It’s been a long day so yes, I am unusually drowsy and extremely confused. I want to go home and fall on the sofa for a bit. Without hesitation, I select “Yes” and to my horror…

Now what the bloody hell kind of scaremongering do you call that? It might as well have just said “Don’t bother calling 999, you’re going to die. Please don’t make a mess.”

Anyway, joke aside flu-fans, don’t call 999 if you’ve got Swine Flu, call your GP, the dedicated flu line or indeed NHS Direct themselves.

So there we have it, I thought I was just a bit tired after a long week at work but apparently that’s not the case. I’ve caught the Pig Flu and I’m going to die a sniffly death.

RED MEANS DEAD, PEOPLE.

dan Rants swine flu, web site

You know what really grinds my gears? Those that seem to lump Facebook and Twitter in the same bracket. Yes, they’re both forms of social networking. Yes, they’re both pushing boundaries in the way we communicate and share information. What they aren’t, is the same bag of kittens.

First off, I’ll admit that I’m not Facebook’s biggest fan. It used to be the clean and simple alternative to MySpace, social networking for those that dribble. Then it made itself more open, then a bit more, and now one zillion applications later it’s no longer the sweet little monkey it once was. It might have more technology behind it, but it’s like buying a Pagani Zonda to run the kids to school and back.

So no, I don’t want to be a bloody pirate, I don’t want to start a Mob War, and I don’t want to play Scrabble. Well, not often. Not so much social networking anymore, it’s just one site to sit at and waste time.  But, I digress.

The fact is, Facebook is what it is, it’s a site to sit on and waste a bit of time. Play some games, chat to someone you never really liked at school but happened to turn out incredibly attractive, the list goes on and you can pretty much do it on Facebook.

Twitter however, is highly portable social networking. It’s the equivalent of Facebook statuses, without the guff surrounding it. If you just want to tell the world about the lack of Frijj milkshakes at the petrol station, then you can, without being told how Joe Bloggs, the person you added out of pity just scored 100,000,000 on Super Mega Mega Blocks.

What they do share in common is the likelihood they’ll both be replaced by the next big thing, whenever that should be. They’re also both not MySpace and that’s got to be a good thing. I also use both, I just find one more irritating than the other.

I like Twitter, so I am biased. This is my blog, so I also don’t care. For the “too long, didn’t read” brigade, my point is simple. They’re not, and never will be the same thing. Saying, “Oh, I hate Twitter because it doesn’t do what Facebook does!” is no different from saying, “Oh, I really hate Ham because it doesn’t melt like Cheese!”

If you’re reading this when it’s published on Facebook (and god damn I hate that it makes it so hard to see it came from this blog) then hello.

Tweet me @danfiveoh.

dan Jibber Jabber, Rants facebook, twitter, web site