… when the husband of an MP can’t knock one out to his favourite pornographic material? Seriously, and as if she “gave him an ear-bashing”. Sorry Jacqui, but all men enjoy a spot of the naked television, you should be happy your husband is normal.
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, and for that I apologise. I missed the opportunity to blog about Jade Goody. I’m fairly sure she’d be happy about that.
Anywho, follow me on Twitter @danfiveoh if you dare, random updates aplenty.
dan Jibber Jabber, Rants jacqui smith, Politics, twitter, wanking
Since I could hold my head up high, and it’s been a while, since I first saw you.
Well, they say as one door closes, another opens. Seemingly though, recently i’ve had more doors closing than opening which kind of makes my life a bit too much like a maze for my liking.
However, the doors that have been opening could be more significant than I think so for once, I might just go through them and not come back.
dan Jibber Jabber life
Bob the Builder went to the Erotica-Show to get a big fat plastic fork, so then he used it on his bum. The very next day he also used it on his pet frog called Freddy.
When the frog tried to use the fork he found himself very excitable. The second time he used the fork was the first time he didnt reach the climactic ending and he cried.
Why are forks so pleasurable?
dan Jibber Jabber
Many thanks to Tom for sharing this delightful piece of world news. Yes, a shortage of breasts in Liverpool has led to this.
dan Jibber Jabber
I feel I must apologise for the lack of blogging recently, it appears my friend Tom has missed my views, tales and sweet, sober antics, told through the medium of text.
It is to Tom I dedicate this post, may it give you the strength to cut your hair. If it makes you feel any better, not much has gone on. I’m okay, my life is wonderful.
Thanks for caring.
dan Jibber Jabber
Found this online earlier, my god they’re hot.
Click here
dan Jibber Jabber
So today I read a rather informative article about Channel 4 wanting to screen a documentary about an organised masturbation event in London. Now I’m not over excited about this, after all it’ll be mostly men and I’d rather not watch that. But it got me thinking, what an awesome time to hold a drinking game! Anyway, that led to another list, so here it is:
Things to do whilst watching the Wankathon
- Have a drinking game, when one of them explodes with delight, do a shot! Preferably a white ish liqueur.
- Try and spot people you know, relatives, work colleagues etc…
- Hold a formal dinner party, but have it on in the background for a laugh.
- Print out invitations to the event and leave them around the office. If your feeling dangerous, outside a primary school.
- Take a prospective partner there on a first date.
- Practice at home for future events.
- Just go to the god damn thing and crack one off.
If you wish to read what I was reading, here it is.
dan Jibber Jabber wanking
It’s amazing how much clarity a beer can bring.
I’ve decided that the meaning of life is this; you work hard trying to make your life a positive one, you do what you think is right, you work hard and you stay out of trouble. But then trouble finds you, and it’s unavoidable. It can come in all shapes and sizes, small or big people, cars or websites. So basically, whatever you do in life will be undone by the most trivial things. Rinse and repeat.
“Today sucks. Today is a sucky day.” (Popeski, 2006)
dan Jibber Jabber beer, life
11 things to do when your hosting dies for 11 hours.
- Organise a charity football event for low-paid health workers
- Eat a lot of pizzas. Weigh yourself before and after.
- Write a Shakespearian soliloquay and perform it before some elderly welsh fisherman.
- Watch Big Brother.
- Write numerous complaint emails, before realising they’re not going to get there for a while.
- Swear repeatedly at Firefox’s ‘Site not found’ message.
- Think of a great idea for a new business, then forget it the second the hosting is fixed.
- Find a friend with the same hosting package down, and whinge with them.
- Rent a bouncy castle. Jump on it.
- Watch the Godfather trilogy, and then play the game for two hours.
- Plan revenge against someone who has once done you wrong.
I hope this proves helpful to someone in the future.
dan Jibber Jabber
Which got me thinking, this is probably going to be the first birthday that doesn’t fall close to my car tax running out. So for once, I’m not going to end up with car tax for my birthday.
So what shall I get? Shall I get me some money, spend it all on penny sweets and football stickers? Or shall I get a load of nice new clothes from the NEXT catalogue, and then promptly just wear them for work because that’s about all I seem to be doing these days?
Or, shall I go for the surprise late entry, spending it all on booze and strippers in a single night of debauchery.
Answers on a postcard.
dan Jibber Jabber
