day of dan :: memoirs of an invisible dan

One of those stories that I kept overlooking all week, and finally got round to reading today was that of Stockholm’s alternative biofuel, wascally wabbits. To cut a long story short, there’s too many bunnies in Stockholm’s parks, so they cull a few thousand a year, freeze them, grind them down and mix with wood chips, peat etc… to create a nice and friendly renewable heat for thousands of homes.

I’m not against it, this is for once not a complete rant. Got me thinking though, could any of these be used?

1. The entire population of France. Surely this could firstly cut down the smell and secondly power most of the third world for pretty much eternity.
2. Michelle McManus could certainly power the Isle of Man.
3. Ferrets, and people who own them as pets.
4. Hippy activists, put your money where your mouth is and sacrifice yourself instead of a tree.
5. Any Big Brother contestant that didn’t win, and even then the issue of burning the winner is debatable. This would certainly help regain it’s lost appeal.
6. Jan Moir. Ha, I went topical. Charlie Brooker and Stephen Fry deserve the honour of preparing her for fuel.
7. All tobacco related products. As a smoker who wants to quit before 30, and bearing in mind this would take 2 years to be approved, I would welcome the idea. Plus, help create some extra revenue for the power plants by creating some kind of Smoker’s Mecca / theme park.
8. Beard hair from anyone that isn’t Santa Claus or a captain of a ship.
9. Any food product labelled as “Organic” – it’s not big, and it’s not clever.
10. The entire works of J.K. Rowling, once the last film has made it to DVD and everyone has lost interest.

None of these are too big an ask, maybe we should all think outside the box like our dear Swedish cousins.

dan Jibber Jabber bunny, celebritard, sweden, television

If this week has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t make a (bad) joke without suddenly becoming the biggest bastard since Hitler.

It seems we’re almost hitting Paedofinder General territory these days when it comes to naming and shaming celebrities for mistakes they make. Let’s hunt them down, destroy them and make it seem like we’re everyone’s saviour.

Can we please not turn everyone newspaper or news website into the Daily Fail?

Anton du Beke is no more a racist than Jade Goody was. Sure, there’s no denying he’s a twat, and Jade Goody was a poorly educated muppet, but they aren’t racists and shouldn’t be vilified for it.

I was fairly glad to see the lord of the dance, Bruce Forsyth, offer a sensible opinion of the events. Sadly though it’s a well known fact that anyone born before 1940 is slightly racist so i’m pretty sure his comments won’t be taken very seriously, much like most of their drivel.

Mr Anton has however, been outdone in the twat factor by musical cock Harry Connick Jr. who’s decided he’s the voice of all that is holy and righteous in the world today. His quote after the Australian TV “Blackface” incident:

“I just want to say, on behalf of my country, I know it was done humorously, but we’ve spent so much time trying to not make black people look like buffoons, that when we see something like that we take it really to heart.”

I’m fairly sure no one else gave a flying fuck until you decided you wanted some self-publicity. It was a multicultural group doing some fairly crap comedy. That’s it. You’ll get over it, no one else noticed.

Who needs the BNP when you’ve got unnecessary media outrage doing their work for them?

dan Politics, Rants celebritard, daily fail, television

So me and my housemate decided to watch the last five minutes of the Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend thing that has been gracing our screens for the last few weeks.

It was agreed the last five minutes was all we would be able to handle, so we sucked it up, switched it on and prepared ourselves. We weren’t quite expecting what we saw.

Yes, the outcome was pretty obvious, that gay bloke won. What worried us was the incident with Tinkerbell. Having your dog brought out in a Louis Vuitton handbag and asked to provide an opinion on the three (un)lucky finalists is quite odd, but finishing the segment with the line, “Thanks Tinks, I really value your opinion” in a perfectly serious manner, makes me believe she’s too far gone for help and should really be put down. With or without the dog.

The conundrum is this, is Paris Hilton possibly the most pure example of a celebritard the world has ever seen, or is this all an act, making her an absolute media-genius?

That’s hot, I love it.

dan Jibber Jabber, Rants celebritard, paris hilton, television