What’s got the OATs up in arms today? Why of course, it’s anti-terrorism measures, for their safety.

This story from the BBC news website, and it’s comments are a fine example of why you could give an OAT a twenty pound note and they’d probably complain it wasn’t crisp.

The crux of the story is that Manchester Airport is trialling a brand new “naked” body scanner (that doesn’t mean you have to be naked, it just means the results make you look a little bare). Check out the article, does the guy look naked? You can barely make out the subject’s nuts, let alone anything more important. The most shocking part of that photo is that he’s a) clenching his arse and b) he appears to be grow taller/shorter when turning around, like a screw.

This is disgusting, a real invasion of our last privacies.

It’s neither is it. For a start there’s guidelines they will probably have to follow, much like pat-downs. It’s likely to be some poor female security guard looking at the ladies, and an even more unfortunate security bloke looking at the men.

If snooping into every other part of our lives is not enough now they have to snoop on our bodies too!

What the hell did you think pat-downs were for, a leisurely grope to relax you before a flight? These are measures to prevent your death. Much like what your doctor does. They won’t be stored, shared, available on Flickr, posted on a Facebook group or sadly, available for printout for a small fee, just like Alton Towers.

“I’m no. 315 – look! You can see my arse!” – £2.50, uploaded to Facebook, everyone’s a winner.

The point is this Mr and Mrs OAT, you don’t want to die on the way to your once-in-a-lifetime holiday to Magaluf, do you? Times change, terrorists become more extreme, security measures must follow. We can already see the outline of your enormous frame through your ill-fitting holiday clothes, some poor quality grey image is doing you no harm.

Old, Annoying Twats.

Well, it seems karma has finally caught up with Jacqui Smith, a woman with more expenses than Paris Hilton. It seems appropriate that our Home Secretary be brought down by the same lack of personal freedom that’s she’s been trying to take away from us.

Of course, her husbands hand-shandying to some £5-a-go porn isn’t the real issue, but it’s serving a valuable point. It’s not nice when your rights to a free and personal life are shared, is it?

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

I salute Richard Timney, and wish him well in his future pocket-shuffling. We, the country, don’t blame you one bit. You’re a hero amongst men. You might be getting an ear-bashing from your wife and you probably won’t be getting any for a while, but that’s okay, there’s always porn. However you might want to save yourself and the taxpayers some cash by hitting up YouPorn.