“If the card had been about an overweight child then the shop would have been shut down, and so would the people who made the card.”

I sincerely hope not, I’ve just begun my range of Xmas cards and gifts. I was hoping that vouchers for Shannon Matthews’ mother’s babysitting service and a baseball bat to chase your fat kids around with would go down really well. For the ginger kid in your family, we’ve got a fine range of hair dyes or a large set of glasses so you can pretend he’s a little Chris Evans.

Alas, it’s been a well known fact that Santa hates ginger children, fat children, and children with large birthmarks. This isn’t new. Tesco did well at trying to hide this fact and make him more appealing but someone went and ruined it.

Not that Santa minds, in his own words, “I fucking hate children, I’m only doing this for the mince pies and the worn french knickers I steal from your mother’s washing basket, they sell really well on eBay.”

Santa hates gingers. Fact.